Untangling Tolerance
I think about tolerance a lot.
It’s a trigger word for me. I think it’s another psyop word - so easy to conflate and misunderstand that we can readily fool ourselves into believing we’re practicing virtue even as we refuse to grow.
I always think of Sean Penn’s 1996 Independent Spirit Awards speech when I think of tolerance.
"I guess this means you tolerate me, you really tolerate me."
Is that what we aspire to?
It feels like just a minute ago we all had our “coexist” bumper stickers and were agreeing to make room for everyone. Now that almost feels like part of a trap.
What happened?
For me, the notion of “tolerance” as a virtue was a red flag. It sent chills down my spine. Varian Mario Chaudhary explains it pretty well here.
Inclusivity built by tolerance is unsustainable. How long before the tolerant are through tolerating the tolerated? You need not look beyond your daily news feed to comprehend the growing instances of intolerance.
And do we really trust authorities to determine what version of tolerance is virtue? World leaders have shown us the boundaries of their tolerance.
Trudeau: Do we tolerate these people?
Biden: Our patience is wearing thin.
Here’s how Merriam-Webster defines tolerance:
1: capacity to endure pain or hardship : ENDURANCE, FORTITUDE, STAMINA
2 a: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own
b: the act of allowing something : TOLERATION
3 : the allowable deviation from a standard especially : the range of variation permitted in maintaining a specified dimension in machining a piece
4 a (1): the capacity of the body to endure or become less responsive to a substance (such as a drug) or a physiological insult especially with repeated use or exposuredeveloped a tolerance to painkillers
also : the immunological state marked by unresponsiveness to a specific antigen
(2): relative capacity of an organism to grow or thrive when subjected to an unfavorable environmental factor
b: the maximum amount of a pesticide residue that may lawfully remain on or in food
So, is tolerance a virtue? I don’t think so. Or not without some critical adjacent factors. As I mentioned in an essay about forgiveness,
It’s not that I won’t forgive. I am pro-forgiveness. I agree that it will only hurt us to hold onto anger over past injustices. But you can’t mandate forgiveness. It is OURS to give and we can’t let this latest attempt to “greater good” our individual values succeed. Amnesty sounds a lot like the government setting the terms of forgiveness and it lacks all of the critical elements that would lead to anything heartfelt and healing.
Something just seems to go way off track when we allow the state or any panel of “experts” try to codify virtue. And, seriously, go back and re-read that definition and consider whether you want those in power setting the bar for your “capacity to endure pain or hardship” or the “allowable deviation from a standard.”
The practice of tolerance can be a real opportunity for spiritual growth, but this is very different from the lawn sign/groupthink version.
As a reflection of your ego, tolerance is deeply personal work. To truly have tolerance is to bypass your ego and allow the discomfort of whatever person, idea or experience you struggle with to help you cultivate personal growth. The discomfort is the ego, the duality of things. The “I like, I dislike” that accompanies experiences.
My husband, Ross, who is also a Daoist priest, suggests we strive not for tolerance, but equanimity. He recommends detaching from the polarization of our likes and dislikes, passions and aggressions, desires and frustrations.
It sounds like a good idea. But it’s really hard. When I try, my thoughts bounce off the rigidity in my mind like one of those robot vacuum cleaners. I have work to do. Lots of it.
We’ve all gotten pretty good at curating images of ourselves that align with virtue. We’ve also gotten very good at identifying “unacceptable” ideas. Getting good at living and thinking within these parameters won’t help us grow. Instead, they are obstacles we need to overcome.
I get tired sometimes. I would love a shortcut…a loophole…an easy way. But so far it keeps coming back to cultivation and practice.
Simple, yes.
Meaningful, yes.
Easy? Not for me.
For me, cultivating tolerance seems to first require breaking down my own resistance.
Thanks for raising this. The concept of tolerance and PsyOps campaign with it over the years is problematic. Equanimity is a valuable concept. Also curiosity, understanding, respect, coexistence.
Equanimity is an essential element of classical liberalism and civil dialogue. The world is lost if we cannot return to a time where ideas can be exchanged, discussed, and debated.
When it comes to Equanimity, I always think of Spenser Tracey’s role in the movie “Inherent the Wind,” where he argues in defense of a position that is opposite from his own personal beliefs. This skill or concept used to be taught in primary education systems when I was young; a life skill that has served me well over the years. Equanimity breeds understanding and tolerance.